When you wanna call him baby?
Hmm.
Leave it.
Or moan it during sex, as I tend to do.
He's adorable.
He makes me feel amazing.
I can do anything with him.
Finally found someone who's hot, lol.
But umm... his ex messaged him on myspace and texted him last night. Awkwardddd. We'll see where this goes.
Chris is officially dating Mikayla Swanson.
WOWWW.
Gen called them mediocre. She partied with them on New Years. Kinda disgusting.
I'm in bed with Ray right now... I'm so happy to be with him. We went to the Nordstrom Cafe today with Leena, Olga, and Camille, and tonight after work I was with Missy and Gen.
There's just so many things that have built up and are really upsetting me. Primarily, work. Lately they've been scheduling me a lot, like 6 days a week, for about 5 hours each shift, which is unusual, hosts usually get 3-4 hours. Not only that, they had me close New Years Eve, tonight, and tomorrow night. I don't have a car, obviously, so getting there at 5 and leaving at 11 is not cool. People bitch about having someone walk to their cars with them for safety, who's fucking walking me to the trolley at 11 PM? I want to quit, the job is ridiculous, the work is retarded, I have no desire to move up to server, and the pay is not worth the effort. The thing that keeps me there are the people... the friends I've made, that and my wanting to get a car. I want and need one, but unlike all of my friends, I don't get shit handed or passed down to me.
Other than that, I just saw a comment left on my slide show by an "annonymous" person by the name of giannimacionis, who said: "You are the most vapid bitch I have ever had the displeasure of meeting." Why Carmela can't just LET GO is beyond me. She has no right to judge my life or fucking stalk my myspace.
Things are going stunningly well in my love life, things with Ray really blossomed. I'm keeping my options open though, and there are 4 other guys I've been sort of talking to. They pop out of nowhere. But really, right now I feel low. I wanted to go out tonight with Missy, but she chose Brandon, who she sees EVERY SINGLE DAY. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, and it sucks. There's other stuff too, like school concerns, and I wonder... with every passing day... why I have to drift so far from Chris... he used to be my stability. I'm lost. After what I did on New Years, I just... I feel like I've lost all morality.
I can't let this all bring me down. Ray is going to call me soon... he missed me a lot tonight, he texted me while he was out clubbing. Sigh.
"A feeling so high, all the sweet and bitter times..."
So Ray and I had a picnic on Mt. Helix. Pretty awesome. Super date status.
I have developed such high anxiety due to Chris Allard. It's really bad. Whenever I go down steep hills in cars or anything, I get really terrified, which never happened before. This happened for the first time earlier this summer when coming down dictionary hill. The second time was on the way to Nyle's house. The third time, San Francisco. And today, when coming down Mt. Helix on Ray's motorcycle, something I've done quite a few times, I felt my heart clinch twice, and I was terrified. I didn't get it until today, when I remembered Chris telling me that thinking of me causes him to have anxiety attacks. When I feel like I'm losing control of myself physically, the intense anxiety happens. It never happened before my breakup with Chris. Ever... ANYWAYS. I jerked against him when he went down too fast, and he asked me what was wrong, and I just clung stupidly to him. I love his motorcycle, but not when we're going downhill. I wonder if drinking would help this fear? HAHA. Bad.
Ray revealed that his ex lives in La Mesa. Off of Lake Murray. WHAT DO YA KNOW, right where Chris used to live? He also said he used to get a headache everytime he went home, and he used to smoke weed to get through the night with her. He said he doesn't believe in rebounds when I told him Brian was mine. I don't know. I feel like he's... just enjoying the early stages of this relationship... the courting, the fun and innocence... but what happens if we get serious? Will he act the same way he did with her?
After meeting and talking with Ray on a few occasions, Leena said that he's not as intelligent as Chris is, not as witty... but he seems sincere and a gentleman, a good ol' country kid, ha. Eh. I just wish someone could match Chris' personality. Gotta stop comparing.
New Years Eve party at Ray's casa, Gen, Amanda, Kelly, Missy, and hopefully Noor will be in attendance. I wanna see some of my boys there too. I CLOSE, wtffff. Work is starting to get really retarded.
Blahhh. Taking Tom to the vet tomorrow. Then I guess I'll clean. Then Open Mic with Ray and Camille, I invited Liz but I doubt she'll go... Leena may. We'll see.
PS: I lost my iPod and I need a new one. Along with a new camera. And a new touchscreen phone. Santa wasn't that great this year.
Ray referenced himself today as the guy I'm dating.
UHHHHHHHHHH
WOW.
=O
I thought we were "just having fun..." but apparently, it's more? I think? He loved his Christmas gift. I got highly buzzed off the Captain Morgan, and swaggered up to him in my sparkly red bra, white mini skirt, garter and thigh highs, and red fuck-me-pumps, accented with the santa hat. I had the mistle toe and Guinness beers in hand, he couldn't resist! Ahhh it was fucking amazing, 4 times in one night... and the last time was FANTASTIC. Best sex I've had yet. I was on the edge of the bed and he was just.... AHHH FUCKING EPIC. LOL. I won't get detailed... lol. But our steamy shower afterwards just topped it all off. Except my afro this morning... not cute. Fucking gross. But it's cool. :] He liked it. Ahahaha.
That excites and scares me. He's a sweetheart, I'd love to date him. But I'm still stuck on that fool of an ex. This is my own advice: MOVE ON. CHRIS WILL. IF YOU WAIT, HE'LL JUST BREAK YOUR HEART AGAIN AND AGAIN. =[
Honestly, I think deep down, Chris wants me to move on, he cares about me, but knows he can't be the one to care for me, so I'm sure this will ultimately be a good thing...
Hilton hotel party was an absolute success, Ray was such a sweetheart for coming even though he was still not feeling well from our drinking the night before. He stuck around and helped get people out when the security guy warned us about the weed, haha. The party would have kept going had that incident not happened, but it was close to 2 anyways! There were so many people, 40ish, and sooo much alcohol, it was outta control! I loved it. Loved having my new man to tote around, LOL. Pictures will come soon hopefully. My friends rocked that shit. The adjoining rooms was a godsend, brilliant!
Sleep needed. <333
[Recommended] Rachel Liang Wen Yin - Love Poem (Released December 12, 2008)
With her acting role in the Taiwan blockbuster "Cape No. 7", Rachel
Liang Wen Yin has been getting more and more attention, and the
Taiwanese singer/actress is releasing her debut album "Poems of Love"
on the strength of the movie sensation.
But Rachel's
reputation isn't just about the movie; she has long been considered a
singer with huge potential to make it big. After winning an aboriginal
singing contest, she landed a brief spell in the wildly popular TV show
"Blackie's Teenage Club". Later she enrolled in the hit talent show
"One Million Star" and the finalist received rave reviews for her
flawless, penetrative voice.
The album features the first plug
"The Most Blissful Thing" (Track 1), "I'm Not As Brave As You Imagined"
(Track 6), "Peppermint and Nail Clippers" (Track 2), "Poems of Love"
(Track 10), and "At First Sight" (Track 8), which is the Chinese
version of Boyzone's latest single "Love You Anyway". [Credit : YesAsia.com]
I've
been waiting for Rachel's album to come out and now it's finally here.
She's my favorite among the finalist of " Xing Guang Bang Season 2."
This is a good album if you're into ballads.
Genre : Pop/Ballad
File Size : 55.97MB
Record Label : Universal Music (TW)
Country : Taiwan
Language : Mandarin
Tracklist :
01. 最幸褔的事 (The Most Blissful Thing)
02. 薄荷與指甲剪 (Peppermint And Nail Clippers)
03. 雪雨 (Snow Rain)
04. 弦外之音 (Xian Wai Zhi Yin)
05. 可以不愛了 (Able To Not Love Anymore)
06. 我不是你想像那麼勇敢 (I'm Not As Brave As You Imagined)
07. 最親愛的 (OT: I Love You Anyway) [Dearest]
08. 第一眼 (At First Sight)
09. Dry Your Eyes
10. 愛的詩篇 (Love Poem)
Download : MEDIAFIRE l MEGAUPLOAD
I'm confused.
I don't know if he does or if he likes the sex.
HMMM.
He's been the one texting me.
Like tonight, he was like, "So when are you taking me out for sushi?"
I was studying at the Living Room with Scott, and burst into a predictable fit of giggles, like the little girl I am.
I told him I've got a final tomorrow, then work, then studying with Renee... Wed I've got a final at 1, then I'm free, so I'm guessing we'll go then. Unfortunately... between now and then, I KNOW I'm getting my period. This is awkward... how do I tell him? I was joking with Aaron at work... "SURPRISE!" if he tries something. BAD IDEA. Wednesday he has the entire day off. Hmm.
I was on Facebook, looking at Erin's pics, and low and behold, Chris was in some. I don't know why this bothered me so much, but it did. It's annoying I still feel anything. But it's definitely not as intense as it was before. More like a mild irritation. Scars are healing!
I GOT MY PERMIT TODAY. <333
I'm proud of myself for managing this. Next step: practice driving, and then license!
Purchasing a car is just around the corner. I really wish I could talk to Chris about this, he's the one person who's support means the most, and could actually help me with this. But whatever. I'm strong on my own.
